At the brink of insanity

This is my current state of mind. Confused. Dazed. Dilemma. In choosing a new path of life. I'm not afraid of changes. Only fear for the wrong step in choosing them. It is because if I choose the wrong one, I'm not the only one who will be suffered.

As now, I already undertake an impossible thing. Getting ready for the 'leap of faith'. Will I go wrong this time? Should I wait for the one been offered last May? But what if it is only a decoy? Or empty promises? What about the things that already in my hand? What if they called last minute? What if my name will be on the list while I can't get out from the place? What if, what if... too many things in my mind. That's why I said, I'm in the brink of insanity.

Puffs of cigars won't clear my mind. As there is a lot of things to be done. Should I take this? Should I take that? Should I wait? Should I just stay? Staying means I will face the music that I heard over and over again that I wanted to puke all the hatred in their face. Going means I will only get less and the load will be more.

Only if they can change, only if they realized it earlier, only if they want me to stay... but that would be impossible. They don't know a thing. Because they only depends on us to get things done. And complaint when there is none. Because there is none to be done. Just because we are the lower class, we can't do everything that the upper class can. We are restricted to that.

But something have to be change in order for me to change. But that something might make me an insane person.

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